a poem i wrote today.. might do some touch ups. (: 1/28/10
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lakayla New Guy
: : : : : : Posts : 6 Location : Kentucky.
Subject: a poem i wrote today.. might do some touch ups. (: 1/28/10 Thu Jan 28, 2010 5:18 pm
#1
You've found me. Lost in my own misery, Help me, Be my guide, You've found me. Drowning in my own guilt, Save me. I feel like a traitor, I've lost your trust, Find me. Before the darkness comes, You've found me. in this dead, cold, lifeless body, You lost me. Its the end now I'm gone.
Last edited by lakayla on Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:39 am; edited 1 time in total
takingbackheaven Commander Shepard
RP : Member AT : Member Pet : : : : : : : : : Posts : 281 Location : Michigan (So obviously a different time zone than most [If not all] of you.)
Subject: Re: a poem i wrote today.. might do some touch ups. (: 1/28/10 Thu Jan 28, 2010 6:44 pm
#2
I like it! May I make a suggestion? Read it aloud, and add in appropriate punctuation where necessary. Since a poem is meant to be read with no breaks when a line switches to another line, it is just a huge sentence.
Besides that though, good job. I'm really loving your use of imagery and similes. Keep up the good work. -Elaine
a poem i wrote today.. might do some touch ups. (: 1/28/10
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