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 Breaking Wind: Legend of the Electric Zapdos

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Sakumeister Supreme

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PostSubject: Breaking Wind: Legend of the Electric Zapdos   Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:20 am #1

Emerging from the urban wasteland that is Pallet Town, Soot Grabit makes his way towards his long journey to becoming a pokemon master. Only earlier that day had he barely escaped death, Soot sets bravely to prove that a lowly street punk like him could make something of himself. To do this, however, he must first make a dangerous trip to Viridian City, which starts with it's forest, dangerous in it's own way. "Yo man, this forest is tha bomb, man. I be seein' all these leaves an stuff, man, I feel like I be trippin', dawg," Soot says as he trudges his way deeper and deeper into the forest, more confident than ever about the success of his journey.
After walking for several minutes, Soot began to feel hungry. So much so, that his vision became blurry, his walking path obscured, and before he knew it, he had walked into a tree, knocking down a beedrill nest. "Aww, hell naw, man, we gon' be in trouble!" exclaims Soot as he sees a swarm of beedrill zoning in on him. "Guess I got no choice. PIKACHU! GOOOOO! (dawg!)" and released a recently caught caterpie, as he was dizzied from having his head meet the mighty tree-like trunk of a sudowoodo. Seeing he was surrounded, Soot tried to find the perfect plan to escape this situation, hoping he could save his skin in the process. Then, with the ingenuity of a 5 year old during nap time, Soot sprung his plan into action, and yelled the command "TACKLE THAT BEEDRILL, YO!", and the caterpie did as prompted. While the pokemon were distracted, Soot saw his moment to execute the most important part of his genius scheme, a part so essential to his survival, one would think it near impossible to attempt. With lightning quickness, Soot pivoted his feet, then the rest of his body for a full 180 degree rotation, and proceeded to run like how only a man of his strength and size could run: like a woman.
This was only the beginning of his epic journey, and Soot had already made an accomplishment that agrees completely with his immense love for pokemon: forsaking one that had trusted him to be left to it's own demise.


Last edited by Professor Saku on Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:27 am; edited 1 time in total
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Commander Shepard

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PostSubject: Re: Breaking Wind: Legend of the Electric Zapdos   Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:24 am #2

Good first chapter? It was a little chunky, and I recommend you use paragraphs. My A.D.D. was going postal. I did, however, like your imagery. The use of the dialect is ingenius, and your similes are great. Especially the 5 year old during naptime part XD.
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Breaking Wind: Legend of the Electric Zapdos

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