GymClassZero
Tom Hanks
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Posts : 83
Location : Rio Rico
 |  Subject: A love haiku. Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:18 pm | #1 |
| I used to love you
Then you ripped out my dead heart
Now I am Alone
Last edited by GymClassZero on Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:54 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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takingbackheaven
Commander Shepard
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Posts : 281
Location : Michigan (So obviously a different time zone than most [If not all] of you.)
| | Subject: Re: A love haiku. Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:51 pm | #2 |
| Nice set up. One thing, You're missing a syllable in the last line. Change the I'm to I am, and you should be good. I wish I could write haikus. I always try to go with imagery, then it doesn't work. |
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GymClassZero
Tom Hanks
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Posts : 83
Location : Rio Rico
| | Subject: Re: A love haiku. Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:55 pm | #3 |
| Thanks!
Yeah I have problems with them too. |
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takingbackheaven
Commander Shepard
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Location : Michigan (So obviously a different time zone than most [If not all] of you.)
| | Subject: Re: A love haiku. Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:58 pm | #4 |
| It's cool. I practiced my syllable count by writing shakespearean sonnets xD
14 line poem, 10 syllables per line, in a rhythm with stressed then unstressed syllables, rhyme scheme ABABCDCDEFEFGG. Woot! |
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GymClassZero
Tom Hanks
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Posts : 83
Location : Rio Rico
| | Subject: Re: A love haiku. Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:59 pm | #5 |
| Sounds really challenging! |
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takingbackheaven
Commander Shepard
RP : Member
AT : Member
Pet :
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Posts : 281
Location : Michigan (So obviously a different time zone than most [If not all] of you.)
| | Subject: Re: A love haiku. Thu Jan 28, 2010 10:01 pm | #6 |
| Nah. After the first 20 or so, it's really easy xD |
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| | Subject: Re: A love haiku. | #7 |
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